Monday, May 10, 2004
I have been contemplating changing the title of my blog, but then figured that would only be appropriate upon feeling completely integrated into North American society. That recognition is nowhere near where I could confidently say we are 'back in the saddle' or comfortable in our environment.
One thing that I have felt more than anything is the fact that Angelo and I just don't fit. We are displaced in this society in which we have been brought up and live in most of the time. We are essentially freaks. Every time we discuss the subject (which is quite often the case), we recognize that we wouldn't want to be anything or anyone else, though truthfully it is a constant battle with the expectations that our 'civilized world' expects from us. Some of the expectations posed are typical:
1. Why do you two rent versus own a house?
2. Why are you married without children?
3. When are you going to find 'real' jobs?
4. Why are you vegetarian?
5. Why do you still drive that car?
So many questions, and so many answers to give.
The truth is that most do not want to know our answers, rather when versus if. I often get combatative during these sorts of conversations, but it is useless to try to logically reply. I admit that I do not fit in my world, so doesn't it make sense that I am regularly, if not over-frequently thinking of ways to scrounge up dollars to leave it? I enjoy the idiosyncrasies of our lifestyle. I love the way that we have to face a decision with our ideals and dreams in one hand versus expectations and North American identity in the other. This is exactly what makes me love my life. I don't feel I need to defend it, rather reason with myself about my tendencies and test them for sincerity versus just wanting to defy everything. I have come to grips with the fact that many people (particularly those that I love and respect) actually want these things that I do not. The important thing is asking them, with a non-judgmental heart (if I honestly do not know), if they are doing the decisions that they have made. If so, then bravo! If not, contemplate together what dreams truly inhabit them and play them out live! Even better, that they do the same with me!
Only scratching the surface today...
One thing that I have felt more than anything is the fact that Angelo and I just don't fit. We are displaced in this society in which we have been brought up and live in most of the time. We are essentially freaks. Every time we discuss the subject (which is quite often the case), we recognize that we wouldn't want to be anything or anyone else, though truthfully it is a constant battle with the expectations that our 'civilized world' expects from us. Some of the expectations posed are typical:
1. Why do you two rent versus own a house?
2. Why are you married without children?
3. When are you going to find 'real' jobs?
4. Why are you vegetarian?
5. Why do you still drive that car?
So many questions, and so many answers to give.
The truth is that most do not want to know our answers, rather when versus if. I often get combatative during these sorts of conversations, but it is useless to try to logically reply. I admit that I do not fit in my world, so doesn't it make sense that I am regularly, if not over-frequently thinking of ways to scrounge up dollars to leave it? I enjoy the idiosyncrasies of our lifestyle. I love the way that we have to face a decision with our ideals and dreams in one hand versus expectations and North American identity in the other. This is exactly what makes me love my life. I don't feel I need to defend it, rather reason with myself about my tendencies and test them for sincerity versus just wanting to defy everything. I have come to grips with the fact that many people (particularly those that I love and respect) actually want these things that I do not. The important thing is asking them, with a non-judgmental heart (if I honestly do not know), if they are doing the decisions that they have made. If so, then bravo! If not, contemplate together what dreams truly inhabit them and play them out live! Even better, that they do the same with me!
Only scratching the surface today...
