Friday, May 28, 2004
Truthfully, I am feeling vulnerable. I have recently begun one course, that upon exploring over the past couple of days, has resulted in a mini-crisis. I am 'out of it' in terms of the course content and practice of expository essay writing. I'm even analyzing what I've just written to identify whether it is personal, expository or persuasive. What is my writing style? Who is my audience? Ridiculous.
Getting into a place of vulnerability is something I usually relish and over-analyze with glee after the fact. The contradiction here is that I have signed up for this stuff and in the end, it is not merely a moment, rather a year commitment (or more depending on my ability to complete). It is no wonder I have been dodging formalized education for all of these years!
I need to come to grips with the fact that in all things I do, I like to excel. Excellence can get in the way of the learning process for me. I wonder at how I could get myself into a mental space that accepts 'satisfactory' as a positive indicator or rating. I prefer the 'very good' or 'exceptional' rating, which is my personal trouble factor.
In truth, India was uncomfortable though not even close to the fear I have in entering this new phase of my life. I am facing a mini-crisis in my own culture rather than in another's. Hmmmm...
Getting into a place of vulnerability is something I usually relish and over-analyze with glee after the fact. The contradiction here is that I have signed up for this stuff and in the end, it is not merely a moment, rather a year commitment (or more depending on my ability to complete). It is no wonder I have been dodging formalized education for all of these years!
I need to come to grips with the fact that in all things I do, I like to excel. Excellence can get in the way of the learning process for me. I wonder at how I could get myself into a mental space that accepts 'satisfactory' as a positive indicator or rating. I prefer the 'very good' or 'exceptional' rating, which is my personal trouble factor.
In truth, India was uncomfortable though not even close to the fear I have in entering this new phase of my life. I am facing a mini-crisis in my own culture rather than in another's. Hmmmm...
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
CBC Radio continues to impress me as I dig deeper to learn more about our culture and our responsibility to understand others and communicate them factually and compassionately. This collection of mini-articles pinpointing portions of Indian culture is great. I support that the pictures and commentaries are simply presenting the facts about caste, traditions and transformations of the country, whether they be minute or massive.
My recommendations within the collection of pictures and audio clips are Dhobi Ghat, Dabbawallahs (for the pics), and City of Dreams (for the audio clip). I particularly like the beginning of the audio for City of Dreams because it brings me back to India, chaotic and buzzing. Of course, it is as common to walk into a crowd worshipping Hindu gods as it is to see a man pissing in the street. I was almost waiting for a clip of that! Many of the audio clips refer to the "India Shining" campaign which flies in the face of the recently ousted BJP political party. This motto will certainly be nixed with the highly anticipated unveiling of the newly elected Congress Party promises for the future.
Enjoy! Be prepared to battle the frenetic sounds of India to listen to your thoughts of what the human dynamics are of such a populous and diverse country.
My recommendations within the collection of pictures and audio clips are Dhobi Ghat, Dabbawallahs (for the pics), and City of Dreams (for the audio clip). I particularly like the beginning of the audio for City of Dreams because it brings me back to India, chaotic and buzzing. Of course, it is as common to walk into a crowd worshipping Hindu gods as it is to see a man pissing in the street. I was almost waiting for a clip of that! Many of the audio clips refer to the "India Shining" campaign which flies in the face of the recently ousted BJP political party. This motto will certainly be nixed with the highly anticipated unveiling of the newly elected Congress Party promises for the future.
Enjoy! Be prepared to battle the frenetic sounds of India to listen to your thoughts of what the human dynamics are of such a populous and diverse country.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Not that it makes a difference in my leisurely life, but the long weekend unraveled beautifully for us.
On Sunday, we spent a glorious morning slacking off in White Rock, watching the crabs skittle under the ocean's surface of low tide and enjoying the ripples of water leaving their moves upon the malleable mud. A few delectable licks of Killer Brownie (or as Angelo dubbed it "Fudge Lifestyle") at a local parlour marked our departure, sun-kissed and sleepy for the afternoon ride home.
Monday proved another beautiful day so we made a point of doing something that has been pressing since our return to B.C., hiking Elk Mountain. We have clambered up this trail many a time, though this was by far the quickest peak we have made yet. It was great to feel the recent fitness kicking in, though today's calves are a touch strained as a result. The view was incredible with substantial views of Mount Baker, Chilliwack River, Cultus Lake and Mount Slesse. We sunned ourselves gleefully among the Indian Paintbrush and ate a well-deserved lunch on top of 'our world'.
I brought the old Rolleiflex camera to get myself back to the basics of manual camera work. The old gal has been going since my date of birth, when my Dad got into some photo play of his own. This camera is a real beauty, recently mimicked in looks by Leica , a digital model. The snap of the Rollei is so completely satisfying, not to mention the art of getting the desired image without forgetting to push the film forward to the next frame.
Today I took the time to fetch my exhilarating Spring photo montage that I snapped immediately after our return from India. I wondered if the pictures I took would at all capture the striking fluorescent beauty of the Chilliwack River Valley in Spring, or even my enhanced idea of them after the trip. The collection turned out wonderful, capturing all the wonder of our new home, inspiring further excursions into the 'wilderness' despite their familiarity.
On Sunday, we spent a glorious morning slacking off in White Rock, watching the crabs skittle under the ocean's surface of low tide and enjoying the ripples of water leaving their moves upon the malleable mud. A few delectable licks of Killer Brownie (or as Angelo dubbed it "Fudge Lifestyle") at a local parlour marked our departure, sun-kissed and sleepy for the afternoon ride home.
Monday proved another beautiful day so we made a point of doing something that has been pressing since our return to B.C., hiking Elk Mountain. We have clambered up this trail many a time, though this was by far the quickest peak we have made yet. It was great to feel the recent fitness kicking in, though today's calves are a touch strained as a result. The view was incredible with substantial views of Mount Baker, Chilliwack River, Cultus Lake and Mount Slesse. We sunned ourselves gleefully among the Indian Paintbrush and ate a well-deserved lunch on top of 'our world'.
I brought the old Rolleiflex camera to get myself back to the basics of manual camera work. The old gal has been going since my date of birth, when my Dad got into some photo play of his own. This camera is a real beauty, recently mimicked in looks by Leica , a digital model. The snap of the Rollei is so completely satisfying, not to mention the art of getting the desired image without forgetting to push the film forward to the next frame.
Today I took the time to fetch my exhilarating Spring photo montage that I snapped immediately after our return from India. I wondered if the pictures I took would at all capture the striking fluorescent beauty of the Chilliwack River Valley in Spring, or even my enhanced idea of them after the trip. The collection turned out wonderful, capturing all the wonder of our new home, inspiring further excursions into the 'wilderness' despite their familiarity.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Dirty Pretty Things turned out to be a movie that completely blew my mind. I wouldn't characterize it as a thriller or a drama rather an honest story of the existing underbelly of London, England. It is a tale that depicts illegal immigrant's struggle to survive in a new and supposed advanced country. I felt many times that the players were living like people in the book "A Fine Balance", by Rohinton Mistry. There is a portion of the book that describes two characters sleeping in front of a train station stall for numerable consecutive nights. Considering their situation, being run out of their rental slum into the desolation of the street, they appear happy to have a spot to land after a hard day's work. It is something they are grateful for.
In Dirty Pretty Things, I wondered how the city of London could be the same as India. Isn't London a place of beauty and culture? Sure. Underneath it all, the people exist in the society by driving cabs, cleaning hotel rooms and prostituting themselves for whatever it takes to make a 'fresh start'. These people are before us, in Canada, somewhere among us.
In my Starbucks days, I often wondered who I was giving the coffee cup to. The hands that distribute one coffee cup to another can tell a lot of stories. Are the hands before me that of a surgeon, a soldier, a guitarist, a mill worker, a mortician or a mobster? It is an interesting thought to get lost in.
I had a wonderful fleeting thought while I was sitting on a cramped, stinky old school bus en route from Anjuna market to Benaulim (in Goa, India). Who would have predicted that at this very moment I would be sitting in this spot on this bus going from A to B? I wish someone I know could have a peek into this moment of my life to see me on this seat, wind in my dirty hair, smiling smugly, gleeful of my find at the market. How many people have sat in this seat before me?
Anyway, the long-winded point is that at any moment in our lives, most likely more often than not, we can be so close to a person that is in a disastrous and frightening situation, or alternately a positively exhilarating one. Take a moment to look around, watch rather than judge. I wonder how many mind-boggling and dynamic conversations with complete strangers I have missed out on because I decided not to look.
For a great review on Dirty Pretty Things.
In Dirty Pretty Things, I wondered how the city of London could be the same as India. Isn't London a place of beauty and culture? Sure. Underneath it all, the people exist in the society by driving cabs, cleaning hotel rooms and prostituting themselves for whatever it takes to make a 'fresh start'. These people are before us, in Canada, somewhere among us.
In my Starbucks days, I often wondered who I was giving the coffee cup to. The hands that distribute one coffee cup to another can tell a lot of stories. Are the hands before me that of a surgeon, a soldier, a guitarist, a mill worker, a mortician or a mobster? It is an interesting thought to get lost in.
I had a wonderful fleeting thought while I was sitting on a cramped, stinky old school bus en route from Anjuna market to Benaulim (in Goa, India). Who would have predicted that at this very moment I would be sitting in this spot on this bus going from A to B? I wish someone I know could have a peek into this moment of my life to see me on this seat, wind in my dirty hair, smiling smugly, gleeful of my find at the market. How many people have sat in this seat before me?
Anyway, the long-winded point is that at any moment in our lives, most likely more often than not, we can be so close to a person that is in a disastrous and frightening situation, or alternately a positively exhilarating one. Take a moment to look around, watch rather than judge. I wonder how many mind-boggling and dynamic conversations with complete strangers I have missed out on because I decided not to look.
For a great review on Dirty Pretty Things.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Update on Indian politics:
Sonia Gandhi has declined the position of Prime Minister of India. It is a shock and point of interest for the country and outside world as the search for a PM continues. Yesterday the stock in India plummeted, as a result of the recent switch in government. I wonder what will happen now?
See her speech on Indian news.
Sonia Gandhi has declined the position of Prime Minister of India. It is a shock and point of interest for the country and outside world as the search for a PM continues. Yesterday the stock in India plummeted, as a result of the recent switch in government. I wonder what will happen now?
See her speech on Indian news.
Monday, May 17, 2004
In the vein of my last entry, I must share the recent inspiration for pursuing a dream. I experienced strong emotions while watching the film, Rabbit-Proof Fence unfold. It is a story that is shown rather than told, and every minute is compelling and beautiful, despite its difficult subject matter. It takes place in Australia during a time when children of Aboriginal and European birth were apprehended in order to literally outbreed the Aborigine to a more white appearance. It is quite disturbing to comprehend that people considered this acceptable, typically over-zealous 'Christian' men who are out to 'save the world' from itself. Scary to consider that this practice in Australia only ended in 1970!
I highly recommend the film, as it reinforces desire versus reality as the best choice in life. It has some wonderful native folklore weaving in and out of the tale, encircling a real-life account of three girls who become famous for escaping the 'mission'. The rakey frames of these girls stylized against the desert full of mirages creates a hunger for the viewer of their desire to be reunited to their mothers, at whatever cost necessary.
I eagerly anticipated every scene involving the character of Moodoo, the indigenous tracker sent out to find these girls trail. Such a subtle irony in sending him out to find his own and potentially betray them to their captors.
Molly is compelling as the eldest sister using her skills to hunt and outwit Moodoo at every turn. Her mothering spirit is endearing despite her appearing hardened attitude.
These children are referred to as the Stolen Generation.
I highly recommend the film, as it reinforces desire versus reality as the best choice in life. It has some wonderful native folklore weaving in and out of the tale, encircling a real-life account of three girls who become famous for escaping the 'mission'. The rakey frames of these girls stylized against the desert full of mirages creates a hunger for the viewer of their desire to be reunited to their mothers, at whatever cost necessary.
I eagerly anticipated every scene involving the character of Moodoo, the indigenous tracker sent out to find these girls trail. Such a subtle irony in sending him out to find his own and potentially betray them to their captors.
Molly is compelling as the eldest sister using her skills to hunt and outwit Moodoo at every turn. Her mothering spirit is endearing despite her appearing hardened attitude.
These children are referred to as the Stolen Generation.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I have often mentioned that dreams are intended to be realized. When I envisioned seeing India, in all its chaotic glory, I initially thought it was a difficult dream to attain. Sure, there are decisions to be made in order to grab hold of a dream and make it become a reality. In all honesty, the ease of attaining dreams comes at the cost of sacrifice. Sometimes people ask me if I have won the lottery. No, I decided to purchase my dream, rather than hope a ticket will make it occur. I'm not stating that a winning lotto ticket wouldn't be great. In truth, dreams are far more attainable than that comparison. I'm not going to wait for the dream to happen, by chance. That would make me the most pathetic participant in life-time suckage. My point is, going to India wasn't easy, but it wasn't hard once the decision was made.
Here lies my 10 point outline to attaining my dream to travel India.
1. Purchase tickets. Yes, money is necessary for this step.
2. Basic research. Essentially 'where are we landing and what do we need to know about that specific spot'. 'How to get the currency' and 'if English is spoken widely throughout the country'.
3. Get shots or pills for diseases we don't even want to consider exist. More money and short amounts of pain and temporary lack of arm usage.
4. Quit job.
5. Celebrate and anticipate the trip with friends, family and co-workers whom you will be leaving behind.
6. Pack and ensure all elements are in the backpack that are essential, which we are always reminded is far less than one actually takes along.
7. Get on the plane, after a gracious driver has acquiesced to drop us off at the airport.
8. Get through customs. I find this part one of the most gruelling of the ten steps, although without much ado most of the time.
9. Fly to destination. Tiring, but a good buffer for reflection of the steps that led to this point and preparation for the drop off coming closely upon our heels.
10. Arrive and clear customs, feeling more chipper than ever before. Then, find a mode of transportation, whether it be a taxi, tuktuk, bus, motorbike or autorickshaw, to your desired destination which you have never seen before and don't even know if you'll like. But, your there!
So, if you need to hear the 10 best suggested pointers for getting a taxi to your desired destination, drop me a line, because that can seem equally as complicated.
Since returning from India, I have oft recognized that dreams are obtainable. I feel this is reinforced regularly in movies (fictitious and real-life), books, news stories of awe-inspiring proportions, and relative strangers being adventurous around us and inspiring us to do the same. I realized this and wondered why I have no idea what my dear friends and family's dreams are. This should be one of the top things that I know about them. How can a relationship between people involve not having this conversation at the top of the list? Should we be concerned about the fact that our loved ones are not pursuing their dreams? Most certainly! I need people who know me to hold me accountable to developing and creating my dreams into reality. I am dead to myself without that. I believe this is a universal need. Dreams can only be actualized when one is determined to make them happen whatever the cost.
Here lies my 10 point outline to attaining my dream to travel India.
1. Purchase tickets. Yes, money is necessary for this step.
2. Basic research. Essentially 'where are we landing and what do we need to know about that specific spot'. 'How to get the currency' and 'if English is spoken widely throughout the country'.
3. Get shots or pills for diseases we don't even want to consider exist. More money and short amounts of pain and temporary lack of arm usage.
4. Quit job.
5. Celebrate and anticipate the trip with friends, family and co-workers whom you will be leaving behind.
6. Pack and ensure all elements are in the backpack that are essential, which we are always reminded is far less than one actually takes along.
7. Get on the plane, after a gracious driver has acquiesced to drop us off at the airport.
8. Get through customs. I find this part one of the most gruelling of the ten steps, although without much ado most of the time.
9. Fly to destination. Tiring, but a good buffer for reflection of the steps that led to this point and preparation for the drop off coming closely upon our heels.
10. Arrive and clear customs, feeling more chipper than ever before. Then, find a mode of transportation, whether it be a taxi, tuktuk, bus, motorbike or autorickshaw, to your desired destination which you have never seen before and don't even know if you'll like. But, your there!
So, if you need to hear the 10 best suggested pointers for getting a taxi to your desired destination, drop me a line, because that can seem equally as complicated.
Since returning from India, I have oft recognized that dreams are obtainable. I feel this is reinforced regularly in movies (fictitious and real-life), books, news stories of awe-inspiring proportions, and relative strangers being adventurous around us and inspiring us to do the same. I realized this and wondered why I have no idea what my dear friends and family's dreams are. This should be one of the top things that I know about them. How can a relationship between people involve not having this conversation at the top of the list? Should we be concerned about the fact that our loved ones are not pursuing their dreams? Most certainly! I need people who know me to hold me accountable to developing and creating my dreams into reality. I am dead to myself without that. I believe this is a universal need. Dreams can only be actualized when one is determined to make them happen whatever the cost.
Friday, May 14, 2004
India is going through huge changes as a major upset has just played out in the results of the Indian election. Prime Minister Vajpayee has officially resigned as what he considered to be his certain victory has turned out to be an emotionally-charged upset by ,surprisingly, Sonia Gandhi, Italian born rival and newly appointed Prime Minister of India. What I find fascinating about the entire campaigning process and resulting election are that the BJP party was a sure thing. When in India, we were certain Vajpayee's re-election was imminent. We neglected to follow his competitors based on media glorification of Vajpayee and the attempted deconstruction of the reputation of Sonia Gandhi. I was even hesitant of Gandhi based on her few interviews I saw as well as the association to being former PM Indira Gandhi's daughter-in-law.
In retrospect, I think she is a good choice. She is focused on the opportunities of a reformed India, versus an empty campaign of "India Shining", and has caused the majority poor to make the move to vote and create a stir, with a positive chosen outcome. India needs some momentum outside of the fundamentalist, recently ditched Hindu government. It will definitely be an interesting change worth following in the news. Maybe the name of Gandhi can redeem India once again. No bets being placed just yet...
In retrospect, I think she is a good choice. She is focused on the opportunities of a reformed India, versus an empty campaign of "India Shining", and has caused the majority poor to make the move to vote and create a stir, with a positive chosen outcome. India needs some momentum outside of the fundamentalist, recently ditched Hindu government. It will definitely be an interesting change worth following in the news. Maybe the name of Gandhi can redeem India once again. No bets being placed just yet...
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Every time Jeremy Copeland posts a new article on his India life, I am already so hungry for it. He has been keeping me pretty excited about his CBC commentary since we returned. Now, he is starting to get to the real gritty issues, where when trying to apply logic to Indian thought process, actions, and religious obedience just does not work.
While traveling India, Angelo and I discovered that when something doesn't make sense, we need not attempt to figure it out, rather observe and add it to what we had just experienced or witnessed. With our prerogative to think things through for ourselves, we get a notion that this is a universal activity. In truth, we have that privilege and many do not, considering that what family, caste and religion dictate are the undisputable rule for many. Worlds outside of these and innumerable other subjects are not considered.
In Varanasi, the home of the holy Mother Ganges, we realized that if these people coming to pay respect to the great river recognized and verbalized her ailing condition, it would flare up in the face of beliefs and disrupt their very fabric of living. Therefore it continues to carry pollution of the city's waste, remains of the dead, the refuse of human excreta, laundry detergent and bodily cleansing activities. It is a dynamic place, holding onto traditions unquestioningly century after century. It is a cycle, with incredible momentum. I was in awe of its life force. In fifty years, will it look the same? I believe so, despite the direction it appears to be heading ecologically speaking.
This brings me to Jeremy Copeland's article on Female Feticide. There are many commercials with giant Bollywood stars speaking out against the common practice of female feticide in India. This is a strong indicator, in terms of statistics and by observing first-hand treatment of women in India, that is a huge issue worth knowing about and subsequently trying to figure out what to do about it.
More and more, I'm faced with the beauty of the fact of where I've been born and raised. Despite my idiosyncrasies in fitting in with my life in suburbia, I have a great life. One needs to remember and play out a dynamic life every day to do justice to those that aren't so privileged.
Another great informative essay on the subject here.
While traveling India, Angelo and I discovered that when something doesn't make sense, we need not attempt to figure it out, rather observe and add it to what we had just experienced or witnessed. With our prerogative to think things through for ourselves, we get a notion that this is a universal activity. In truth, we have that privilege and many do not, considering that what family, caste and religion dictate are the undisputable rule for many. Worlds outside of these and innumerable other subjects are not considered.
In Varanasi, the home of the holy Mother Ganges, we realized that if these people coming to pay respect to the great river recognized and verbalized her ailing condition, it would flare up in the face of beliefs and disrupt their very fabric of living. Therefore it continues to carry pollution of the city's waste, remains of the dead, the refuse of human excreta, laundry detergent and bodily cleansing activities. It is a dynamic place, holding onto traditions unquestioningly century after century. It is a cycle, with incredible momentum. I was in awe of its life force. In fifty years, will it look the same? I believe so, despite the direction it appears to be heading ecologically speaking.
This brings me to Jeremy Copeland's article on Female Feticide. There are many commercials with giant Bollywood stars speaking out against the common practice of female feticide in India. This is a strong indicator, in terms of statistics and by observing first-hand treatment of women in India, that is a huge issue worth knowing about and subsequently trying to figure out what to do about it.
More and more, I'm faced with the beauty of the fact of where I've been born and raised. Despite my idiosyncrasies in fitting in with my life in suburbia, I have a great life. One needs to remember and play out a dynamic life every day to do justice to those that aren't so privileged.
Another great informative essay on the subject here.
Spellbound is my recent documentary picture pick. It is a few years old already, but I just saw it a few days ago. I highly encourage a viewing of it as it creates a fabulous venue for asking the questions of oneself that matter. I found myself on the edge of my seat, rooting for one and then another of the eight contestants, exchanging my loyalties quite easily, who all have the chance of winning the 1999 National Spelling Bee.
Some of the backgrounds of these eight featured kids really blew my mind. The three kids that I found compelling and intriguing were Ashley, Neil and Angela. They came from either immigrant families or in Ashley's case, from a single parent family in a not-so-great part of town. The dreams that these kids have are inspiring, though at times one wonders if it is the parents desire more than the kids themselves.
Neil's highly motivated dad, Rajesh, said some quotables that I want to share here. One quote refers to the fact that living in the USA presents opportunities that elsewhere would and could not, "There is no way you can fail in this country." More importantly his second and profound quote, "What is valuable in life that is easy to achieve?" No kidding!
Spellbound is by far better than any Hollywood formulaic action film with a definitive surprise ending (my bet was way off!). You'll find yourself geeking out and spelling right along with them.
Some of the backgrounds of these eight featured kids really blew my mind. The three kids that I found compelling and intriguing were Ashley, Neil and Angela. They came from either immigrant families or in Ashley's case, from a single parent family in a not-so-great part of town. The dreams that these kids have are inspiring, though at times one wonders if it is the parents desire more than the kids themselves.
Neil's highly motivated dad, Rajesh, said some quotables that I want to share here. One quote refers to the fact that living in the USA presents opportunities that elsewhere would and could not, "There is no way you can fail in this country." More importantly his second and profound quote, "What is valuable in life that is easy to achieve?" No kidding!
Spellbound is by far better than any Hollywood formulaic action film with a definitive surprise ending (my bet was way off!). You'll find yourself geeking out and spelling right along with them.
Monday, May 10, 2004
I have been contemplating changing the title of my blog, but then figured that would only be appropriate upon feeling completely integrated into North American society. That recognition is nowhere near where I could confidently say we are 'back in the saddle' or comfortable in our environment.
One thing that I have felt more than anything is the fact that Angelo and I just don't fit. We are displaced in this society in which we have been brought up and live in most of the time. We are essentially freaks. Every time we discuss the subject (which is quite often the case), we recognize that we wouldn't want to be anything or anyone else, though truthfully it is a constant battle with the expectations that our 'civilized world' expects from us. Some of the expectations posed are typical:
1. Why do you two rent versus own a house?
2. Why are you married without children?
3. When are you going to find 'real' jobs?
4. Why are you vegetarian?
5. Why do you still drive that car?
So many questions, and so many answers to give.
The truth is that most do not want to know our answers, rather when versus if. I often get combatative during these sorts of conversations, but it is useless to try to logically reply. I admit that I do not fit in my world, so doesn't it make sense that I am regularly, if not over-frequently thinking of ways to scrounge up dollars to leave it? I enjoy the idiosyncrasies of our lifestyle. I love the way that we have to face a decision with our ideals and dreams in one hand versus expectations and North American identity in the other. This is exactly what makes me love my life. I don't feel I need to defend it, rather reason with myself about my tendencies and test them for sincerity versus just wanting to defy everything. I have come to grips with the fact that many people (particularly those that I love and respect) actually want these things that I do not. The important thing is asking them, with a non-judgmental heart (if I honestly do not know), if they are doing the decisions that they have made. If so, then bravo! If not, contemplate together what dreams truly inhabit them and play them out live! Even better, that they do the same with me!
Only scratching the surface today...
One thing that I have felt more than anything is the fact that Angelo and I just don't fit. We are displaced in this society in which we have been brought up and live in most of the time. We are essentially freaks. Every time we discuss the subject (which is quite often the case), we recognize that we wouldn't want to be anything or anyone else, though truthfully it is a constant battle with the expectations that our 'civilized world' expects from us. Some of the expectations posed are typical:
1. Why do you two rent versus own a house?
2. Why are you married without children?
3. When are you going to find 'real' jobs?
4. Why are you vegetarian?
5. Why do you still drive that car?
So many questions, and so many answers to give.
The truth is that most do not want to know our answers, rather when versus if. I often get combatative during these sorts of conversations, but it is useless to try to logically reply. I admit that I do not fit in my world, so doesn't it make sense that I am regularly, if not over-frequently thinking of ways to scrounge up dollars to leave it? I enjoy the idiosyncrasies of our lifestyle. I love the way that we have to face a decision with our ideals and dreams in one hand versus expectations and North American identity in the other. This is exactly what makes me love my life. I don't feel I need to defend it, rather reason with myself about my tendencies and test them for sincerity versus just wanting to defy everything. I have come to grips with the fact that many people (particularly those that I love and respect) actually want these things that I do not. The important thing is asking them, with a non-judgmental heart (if I honestly do not know), if they are doing the decisions that they have made. If so, then bravo! If not, contemplate together what dreams truly inhabit them and play them out live! Even better, that they do the same with me!
Only scratching the surface today...
We recently watched the film titled, Big Fish. After having missed it before leaving for India, we were quite thrilled to finally have it for our own viewing pleasure. The combination of director Tim Burton, actors Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Albert Finney and Danny Devito was a wonderful bonus to the unraveling of the story Big Fish.
I was completely engaged with the 'tall tales' of Edward Bloom's life. His story made me wonder what our world could be capable of today if more of the population would decide to use their imagination. Could peace, compassion and love reign instead of fear, malice, greed and paranoia? Could the weaving of wonder in our daily lives overwhelm the facts of human tendencies? If only we could think bigger than our own small worlds, what a difference this place could become. I certainly intend to be in constant pursuit of my own Big Fish. I make it intentional to live my life every day and cherish those around me.
On another note, May 8th marked Angelo and my eleventh wedding anniversary. For some reason eleven years to celebrate seems by far more monumental than ten. It's like the third syllable means something greater or deeper than before. Eleven years makes for some decent conversation with family, friends and total strangers. Funny how some things are completely out of synch with that fact. For instance, last week I was asked (on two separate occasions) for ID from the cashier at the liquor store. Love it! Each time the ID was checked, I got this look like, "Whoa, sorry for the trouble" or "Hmmm, does this look fake?". I figure at this point it's a compliment, as this year marks the big 3-0.
I was completely engaged with the 'tall tales' of Edward Bloom's life. His story made me wonder what our world could be capable of today if more of the population would decide to use their imagination. Could peace, compassion and love reign instead of fear, malice, greed and paranoia? Could the weaving of wonder in our daily lives overwhelm the facts of human tendencies? If only we could think bigger than our own small worlds, what a difference this place could become. I certainly intend to be in constant pursuit of my own Big Fish. I make it intentional to live my life every day and cherish those around me.
On another note, May 8th marked Angelo and my eleventh wedding anniversary. For some reason eleven years to celebrate seems by far more monumental than ten. It's like the third syllable means something greater or deeper than before. Eleven years makes for some decent conversation with family, friends and total strangers. Funny how some things are completely out of synch with that fact. For instance, last week I was asked (on two separate occasions) for ID from the cashier at the liquor store. Love it! Each time the ID was checked, I got this look like, "Whoa, sorry for the trouble" or "Hmmm, does this look fake?". I figure at this point it's a compliment, as this year marks the big 3-0.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Since returning from India, I have had an insatiable drive to be fit. I have no excuse to be unfit, considering my days are open, wonderfully clean of work commitments must be used to the absolute optimum freedom. I have been trying to formulate a sort of theory or mantra one could live by to maintain fitness and press towards the 'beyond maintenance' thought process. At this time, I am getting out six days a week. Usually this takes on the form of running, though with this wonderful sunny period I've switched it up with tennis or taking a spin on the bike. Nonetheless, the discipline has thankfully been maintained over the past three weeks.
This is what I have come up with so far:
Go out and work hard until either the cardiovascular system gives out or the muscles scream. After that arduous workout, go out the next day and do the same thing. The day that deserves respite from the regime is the day that all essential parts neccesary for the workout are in pain, and the body (versus the mind) says 'not today'. Mind over body simply doesn't work. Mind will always be determined to slack. This is my mind that I'm particularly speaking of. The more that I listen to my body, the more I am pleased with the results. My mind often wants chips and chocolate, but my body does not. Hmmmm....
One person that I think of when I'm feeling a bit nutty about fitness is Susan Powter. She said two words in an interview on television many years ago which resonated with me. These two words were: Just move. In this she meant, literally, just move, no matter what the activity or commitments one has to kids, work or appointments. I figured this was basic and yet profound in some way. In any case, she is a positive fitness-freak worth checking out as her resurgence back into the world of weight loss and fitness focus is starting up.
This is what I have come up with so far:
Go out and work hard until either the cardiovascular system gives out or the muscles scream. After that arduous workout, go out the next day and do the same thing. The day that deserves respite from the regime is the day that all essential parts neccesary for the workout are in pain, and the body (versus the mind) says 'not today'. Mind over body simply doesn't work. Mind will always be determined to slack. This is my mind that I'm particularly speaking of. The more that I listen to my body, the more I am pleased with the results. My mind often wants chips and chocolate, but my body does not. Hmmmm....
One person that I think of when I'm feeling a bit nutty about fitness is Susan Powter. She said two words in an interview on television many years ago which resonated with me. These two words were: Just move. In this she meant, literally, just move, no matter what the activity or commitments one has to kids, work or appointments. I figured this was basic and yet profound in some way. In any case, she is a positive fitness-freak worth checking out as her resurgence back into the world of weight loss and fitness focus is starting up.
