Friday, May 28, 2004
Truthfully, I am feeling vulnerable. I have recently begun one course, that upon exploring over the past couple of days, has resulted in a mini-crisis. I am 'out of it' in terms of the course content and practice of expository essay writing. I'm even analyzing what I've just written to identify whether it is personal, expository or persuasive. What is my writing style? Who is my audience? Ridiculous.
Getting into a place of vulnerability is something I usually relish and over-analyze with glee after the fact. The contradiction here is that I have signed up for this stuff and in the end, it is not merely a moment, rather a year commitment (or more depending on my ability to complete). It is no wonder I have been dodging formalized education for all of these years!
I need to come to grips with the fact that in all things I do, I like to excel. Excellence can get in the way of the learning process for me. I wonder at how I could get myself into a mental space that accepts 'satisfactory' as a positive indicator or rating. I prefer the 'very good' or 'exceptional' rating, which is my personal trouble factor.
In truth, India was uncomfortable though not even close to the fear I have in entering this new phase of my life. I am facing a mini-crisis in my own culture rather than in another's. Hmmmm...
Getting into a place of vulnerability is something I usually relish and over-analyze with glee after the fact. The contradiction here is that I have signed up for this stuff and in the end, it is not merely a moment, rather a year commitment (or more depending on my ability to complete). It is no wonder I have been dodging formalized education for all of these years!
I need to come to grips with the fact that in all things I do, I like to excel. Excellence can get in the way of the learning process for me. I wonder at how I could get myself into a mental space that accepts 'satisfactory' as a positive indicator or rating. I prefer the 'very good' or 'exceptional' rating, which is my personal trouble factor.
In truth, India was uncomfortable though not even close to the fear I have in entering this new phase of my life. I am facing a mini-crisis in my own culture rather than in another's. Hmmmm...
