Thursday, October 21, 2004
Continuation of my socialization... For a very long time, I figured that meeting new people was a non-opportunity. Much like that of dating, I wondered "Where does one meet people?". I'm not into the bar scene. I don't do clubs. I don't hang at church functions. I don't feel a huge connection with the majority of my co-workers (plus, I see them nearly every day so I need an escape from them). I had the feeling that since I had not met someone for so long, someone that I would be interested in hanging out with, that I had forgotten how to. I married myself to the concept that it was not possible to meet new people, therefore, I need not require it. Obviously, this mindset didn't work out for me. I focussed on my friends that I had, but not all that well (apologies - you know who you are). I figured that I had Angelo and that was ample. (Note, I do find him incredibly essential to my social identity, though more in pointedly matters of spirituality, love, mutual interests, and travel debriefs.) Truly, the state of my social head was poor, deteriorating the longer I held onto this idealogy. Anyway, the truth is I do believe that my social needs are determined by my willingness to acknowledge them. I need people. My personal culture should therefore reflect a value (and development) of social identity. For many of you, this may not seem so mind-boggling. Though, it is a huge realization for me, and I am so thankful for it. For me, the key to the active pursuit of a social life is being uncomfortable - in your own shoes (is this indicative of my fascination with shoes?). In this situation, the term "uncomfortable" translates to vulnerable. I don't need to have my life together to make a suitable friend (I prefer the Aussie term, "mate", in this exploration) to another person. Actually, it's best that I do not present a together-Esther. The more real I am, the more real the friendship can be. I'm so excited about the possibilities - getting out there, meeting people, being uncomfortable, rolling with the punches, taking a few risks, and getting real.
|
Martin Buber - a hasidic jew philosopher & professor sees three types of relationships:
I - It = these are relationships in which we treat others as objects, or a means to accomplishing a task. In other words, these relationships are impersonal - they provide a service to and you may pay them money for the service. Eg. Servers, waiters, checkout clerks, gas jockeys, etc.
I - You = these are the most common types of relationships. These are the people that you would call coworkers, casual friends, perhaps distant family or relatives. You interact with them and acknowledge there worth but you would rarely disclose anything to them.
and finally, Buber introduces the ideal relational model
I - Thou = these are the significant relationships, the people that you deeply care about, that you are able to disclose yourself to! This is obviously the rarest type of relationship - spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, close family, best friends, God. You can tell anything to these people and not fear rejection or that they would use that information against you.
Interestingly, Buber suggests that we can place God into any of these three categories. Clearly the third category would be the ideal but often we treat our concept of God as an object. Someone to communicate with when we need our needs met.
G
What fabulous insights and connection to relationships, personally and spiritually you have contributed!
I certainly recognize that when I have been socially desolate, meaning I have intentionally avoided initiating social interactions, I have also placed that isolation on my relationship with God.
On the other hand, I have never been able to categorize what I believe about myself and God in terms of social needs. I feel that spirituality transcends the human relationship model. I don't think I have ever attempted to communicate this concept before, so forgive my basic and rough thoughts here. I know that I am fallible, which means that my social circle is also fallible. This creates little tension in terms of peer 'screw-ups'. There is ample room for forgiveness, you know, late for dinner or forgot a birthday, in these relationships. Of course, long-term mistakes in friendships are substantial enough to foster tension and an eventual need for confrontation and/or break-up. (I'm using very immature terms here, I know.)
On the other hand, when it comes to what I understand about myself and God, I have none of that tension. Truthfully, there is a mutual understanding that we (God and I) are who we are. I do believe that I am in a different relationship with God than others around me - though it doesn't change the conditions of our relationship as a model. Hmmm... where am I going here...
In the end, God is one I have a relationship with, though I would not necessarily consider it to be a social need. Though the existence of God certainly inspires me to want to be a better person and improve my life to be distinct. Maybe this discussion simply is proof to the fact that fitting a spiritual relationship into a category of a social circle is open for further exploration and discussion...
In response to your "tension within relationships" - I honestly think that tension and conflict in relationships are inevitable and a good thing ultimately if you can survive them. Our relationships grow stronger as they get deeper, the only way they get deeper is through mutual self-disclosure or going through tension/conflict.
Re: your statement that your social relationships are in a different category than God relationships or spirituality - I can see how you would see them in a different light because we don't necessarily have the same fear of losing God as we do people. But I think that it may be of worth and even a necessity of actually communicating with God on a social level.
What does that actually mean? The best biblical example of communication with God are the Psalms. The psalmists communicated with God through song, prayer or prose in whatever season of life they were in. Whether it was praise, lament, or thanksgiving - communication occured. Without communication in all relationships - your relationships obviously will suffer.
I am staying on the same garden path or have I found a new one to wander down?
Here's a quote I am certain you will appreciate:
"Music is Worship; whether it's worship of women or their designer, the world or its destroyer, whether it comes from that ancient place we call soul or simply the spinal cortex, whether the prayers are on fire with a dumb rage or dove-like desire...the smoke goes upwards...to God or something you replace God with...usually yourself." - Bono from his introduction to "Selections From The Book of Psalms" Grove Press, 1999.
Again, what an enjoyable exploration this dialogue is of social needs in relation to God.
For me, entering into the realm of worship and linking it to social needs feels distant. Though I recognize that worship is very personal and only between myself and God, I also think it is not relevant to that of the label of relationship. I don't really know how to describe it except to say that worship is distinctually different from social relationship. Though worship can look incredibly social in its form, it is not necessarily a social meeting. I hope this makes sense.
Anyway, I feel this topic is leading to further contemplation, on my part anyway. Some questions to ponder: Worship - in the realm of friendship and spirituality? Interesting. Worship as communication, definitely true, though worship as a means for defining relationship and social identity? something to think about.
<< Home
